Films of 2017 - Part One

First up...some housekeeping.

Firstly, I am going to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi in about 2 hours so if that turns out to be da bomb, you may see it further down this page (In which case, sorry Caesar!)
Update - Star Wars was good but not top 10 good.

Again I must stress that I haven’t seen every film that came out this year. Which means by proxy that I haven’t seen that amazing Bulgarian factory drama or the movie about ‘the guy with the thing.’ Having looked at Empire’s Top 20 of 2017, I haven’t seen 8 of them (sorry, Death of Stalin) but that’s what’s great about lists, they’re open to interpretation, opinion and debate...unless you have Kingsman 2 on it because if you do you’re a fucking idiot.
Let’s go!

10.


War for the Planet of the Apes
I’ve been a fan of this series since the first instalment in 2011 (Rise of...) and the sequel that took it one step further (Dawn of - I know it’s confusing). But now it’s war and there’s no going back.
Apes has so much depth to it that naysayers will never get to see because they think it’s all computer graphic monkey bollocks. But there is so much more character to these apes that it puts two hairy fingers up at other blockbusters who toss in a damsel in distress to bump up the numbers. Caesar the ape has become a true leader with hopes of peace but in this film, those beliefs are tested to the absolute limit hence the title.
Andy Serkis deserves the vast majority of praise for the evolution of Caesar and Motion Capture in general. If Daniel Day Lewis ran round in a monkey costume, they would throw all the awards his way but because it’s a CGI character, seemingly that isn’t good enough for the academy to notice that the acting behind those pixalated eyes is bursting out.
If I were critical, the female characters in the franchise have always been weak and this film to my recollection only has one fully fleshed out female character and the big bad (Woody Harrelson) isn’t much to shout home about either but the trilogy has an beginning, a middle and an end with no weak entries.
At least they didn’t start singing and dancing!

Film in a nutshell - Ape-calypse Now

9. 


Thor: Ragnarok
(Blind Watch)

Post Guardians of the Galaxy, Marvel proved that it doesn’t all have to be all Dr Doom and gloom. It can’t be light and funny and have enough colour to put your eyes into a coma. We all could see through the years that Thor/Hemsworth like so many other characters had great comic timing but to switch Thor from a action movie to a comedy buddy movie was still bold as fuck! And it paid off royally!
Retro is back thanks to the already mentioned Guardians but also Stranger Things and a cosmic psychedelic trip through space with the God of Thunder was a masterstroke. Then add in a Hulk and you have a hit on your hands.

But we’re not done...how about Jeff Goldblum playing Jeff Goldblum but in space?”
Stop! You’ve done enough! you had me at Jeff.
Ragnarok works on many levels but none more so than forcing the character to evolve due to some extremely bold decisions which will affect his ability to function in future MCU chapters.
Film in a nutshell - Thor-oughly enjoyable!

8. 


Get Out
Empire and many other publications announced this as their film of the year and it’s easy to see why. It plays as an indie thriller, a socio-political satire and yet another example that original films can be extremely profitable.
Written and directed by Jordan Peele (of sketch duo Key and Peele fame), the premise is simple. A boyfriend travels with his girlfriend to meet her parents for the weekend. However the colour of his skin gives him doubts that the encounter will be in his favour. What happens after that is layer upon layer of mystery, tension and cringe.
The Golden Globes recently nominated it for best film under the Musical/Comedy category. I wouldn't go as far to say it's piss your pants hilarious but it definitely has the odd chortle.
It’s the kind of film that demands a second viewing once you know how it ends. As I write this, it almost feels like a movie length episode of Black Mirror so if you’re into that style and substance, you should find enjoyment here.
Film in a Nutshell - Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner + Being John Malkovich

7. 


Blade Runner 2049
I would never have imagined this being on my list when it was announced to be finally happening. I’m not a fan of the original having tried a few times to find why its beloved. It’s terribly nerdy as to why I decided to go see it but it was the team behind the camera that I trusted. Director Denis Villeneuve and cinematographer Roger Deakins have not put a foot wrong in their careers and Villeneuve’s last three films (Prisoners, Sicario and Arrival) made my lists and this continues that tradition.
To start with, the film is absolutely gorgeous. And with other films to come on the list with amazing cinematography, that category will be hard to predict come Oscar night. Every frame is crafted to within an inch of its life whether it’s a sandy terrain or a city street. Ryan Gosling is immensely watchable as the main character who gets drawn into a deeper mystery than he ever imagined. If he had only ate a bowl of cereal on screen, this would be my film of the year!
Despite the fact that there’s two guns on the poster, there is not as much action as you would expect. When it arrives it’s well executed but you don’t find yourself itching to see it either. The same can be said of the running time. It’s closer to three hours than two but again you don’t find yourself hoping that one set piece is the last. Yeah, it could chop off a few scenes and not lose its heart but it’s only a minor gripe.

I would say you would have to see the original to fully enjoy the film but as with many long awaited sequels, there is a way to watch it unaided by nostalgia. The only downside is that by the time you read this, the movie won’t be on the cinema and you really ought to watch this with the biggest and noisiest screen you can find. It’s a visual triumph.
Film in a nutshell - Blockbuster with Brains

6. 


Logan
I think it would be fair to say that the X-Men movies have been left far behind since the MCU came on the scene. Not since X-Men 2 has the mutants been on top form until now. As with Thor Ragnarok, the powers that be decided “fuck it.” In actual fact those voices was just one, Hugh Jackman. In exchange for lower salary and a lower budget, Fox agreed to let Jackman make the Logan movie he always wanted to make.

The result is bleak, brutal and bloody. Jackman looks like this was the Wolverine film that he always wanted to make and he's having fun exercising his acting chops. The surprise weapon is the Wolfie/Professor X dynamic that is at times hilarious but also deeply moving. It's the human angle that makes this a great watch rather than the mutant one. A clever side effect to the professor's worldly powers is a good concept which in parts makes up for the lack of a true cold villain, a weakness in many a comic book movie.



This is Jackman's NINTH appearance on screen as Logan and it's been a bumpy ride especially in the latter years but to see him in this justifies the choice and because we've been with him every step of the way, through good and bad, it's gleeful to see him finally find the sweet spot with the character which makes it more devastating as we're led to believe that his time as Wolverine is coming to a close.

Film in a Nutshell  - The one where Logan has to get up twice a night to take a piss.

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That's it for this week. Next week sees the final chapter of 2017 where I run down all of my 5* movies and find out which one gets the honour of Film of the Year 2017. A hint...Unlike the last three years, this film did not get released in January!
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2002: a cinematic odyssey

The Year...2002

The Film...Star Wars Episode ll Attack of the Clones

I had successfully completed the first step in my master plan to bunk off school and be in the first showing for Attack of the Clones. Back then I was convinced that the midday screening meant a better experience which I now know to be false. My friend and I had snuck down beneath the window as our bus crawled past our school and towards the paradise that was 'the city centre.' As Samwise Gamgee once said... "If I take one more step, it will be the farthest away from home I've ever been." That was how it felt. Our bus travelled down roads and streets I had never seen or at least never felt as alive and filled with other humans, most of whom wouldn't know a Wookie if one came up and pulled their head off. Once inside screen 1 and temporarily safe from the prospect of expulsion, Clones provided me with one of my best cinematic moments ever when Master Yoda pulled out a lightsabre and fought Christopher Lee. 

Looking back, my school could care less about my dalliances with a galaxy far far away and the film itself was wholly average but when you're under 18, every film you see in the cinema is the best you've ever seen, although I had already disproved this theory three years prior when I saw Wild Wild West. We had all left raving about Big Willie and the giant ass mechanical spider and I just said "it was shit." That was the day I knew I loved the movies.

However, would I bunk off work this summer to see the new Ant Man movie or the Fantastic Four reboot? Not a chance. Seeing a film at 11.30am doesn't hold that thrill anymore and I would much rather see it in a sold out theatre filled with people who may or may not have 2 for 1 tickets because they bought car insurance off a over zealous meerkat.

2002 was the year that my mandatory time in education was coming to an end. It was also the year I discovered Texas Hold'em poker, lost £100 on one hand and spent the next 12 hours winning it back. The Wire made its television debut years before it was cool to watch it whereas The X Files ended years AFTER it was cool to watch it. It was the year Virgin Records bought out Mariah Carey's contract for $28 million, essentially paying her to not record any more music.  They should have asked me, I'd be quite happy to not record music for half that! 

But it was in 2002 that I had begun an experiment that would become my lifes' work. I decided to make a note of every film I saw. By year's end I would have seen 312 films which essentially means I saw a new movie every 1.16 days. That pace was never replicated in the 13 years that have followed. For example back in those days, by this point of the year I would have seen around 135 movies. At the time of writing, in 2015, I have seen 26.

For the most part, 2002 was a terrible year for the movies. Where there was a schoolboy named Harry Potter, there was also unfortunately a schoolboy named Van Wilder. For every Eighth Mile there was also an Eight Legged Freak. 

It began in the worst possible way but with it, an understandable reason. Four months prior, the world had seen the events of September 11 burned into their retinas for all time and most Americans simply didn't fancy going to the movies and having a good time while people lay still forever under concrete and steel. Some attempts had failed by releasing their movies regardless of the tragedy. Donnie Darko had a pivotal and unfortunate scene involving a falling airplane engine whilst Zoolander was set in New York and had a plot that under the circumstances just seemed trivial at best. These fine movies eventually although were celebrated and acclaimed on home video and became cult classic due simply perhaps to timing. The first set of rescheduled releases came in the spring of 2002 and were critically mauled.  Collateral Damage starring Arnie featured a bomb attack that struck too close to home but the film was a hot mess however you spun it. A remake of the cult movie Rollerball performed worse than Pete Doherty sober and Britney Spears attempt at acting in Crossroads left us in no doubt which way we wanted to drive in...the opposite direction.

March was the turning point for Hollywood and for me personally. I noticed an advert in Heat magazine (don't judge me) that gave you a chance to go to a preview screening of a film free of charge. It was a way of providing positive word of mouth amongst the youth that cinemas craved. This was a revelation that I utilised several times through the years although on this occasion I had to take a bus and train to get to the selected multiplex. The film was titled Panic Room and the audience, as was I, were absolutely captivated. It remains one of my top 5 movies of 2002 and one that I can't turn off if I come across it channel hopping.

Other movies released may not seem groundbreaking but had lasting effects on what we love today. Even though X-Men was released at the turn of the millennium, Spider-Man captured the spirit and the heart of comic books and the current MCU should thank Tobey Maguire in part for the riches they enjoy today. Christopher Nolan (Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception, Interstellar) continued his cinematic training with Insomnia which was distributed with Warner Bros, the studio he has stayed loyal with ever since. We may have laughed at The Rock's attempt to be a legitimate actor in  The Scorpion King but skip ahead 12 years and millions call him by his real name and that name is now a respectable one. The same can be said for Matt Damon. We all believe that he can kick our asses with a rolled up newspaper because of The Bourne Identity and that franchise went from strength to strength. This also holds a special memory as I have seen all four films with my best friend and we have maintained that we will continue to do so for any future instalments. There is no logical reason for this commitment but 2002 was a strange year in general.

What other year could you watch a film and walk out saying "Matthew Lillard was the best thing in that" or "Who knew Jason Statham was a complete and utter badass?" Scooby Doo and The Transporter being the films in question.

Nowadays we are spoiled with a Marvel film every other Tuesday but back in the day, there was one time of the year when Hollywood squeezed in every explosion, chase and weapon known to man...Summer. The aforementioned Spider-Man kicked it off but in my opinion, it's not summer without a Spielberg tentpole and Steven gave us a thrill ride starring the ever energetic Tom Cruise. Minority Report is a chase that never slows down until the credits roll. It's terrifying, imaginative and most importantly for the summer season, fun. 

July continued but I was not where I imagined I'd be. I wasn't just watching Hollywood, I was in it! My family and I had embarked on a ambitious three week driving holiday from Las Vegas to San Francisco. We had reached LA and my parents were exhausted from constant motion. We pulled into a cliche motel and while my family slept, I walked out onto the pavement not to see 000's of handprints and famous names but gas stations and shopping malls. I flipped a coin to determine which direction to head in and began a walk that would define my holiday. I had been walking for ninety minutes in baking hot sunshine with no plan when I came to a large structure with vicious sound emanating from it. I followed a gaggle of tourists up a small hill and couldn't believe my luck. I had reached Universal Studios. 

The extreme high was followed by a more devastating low...I had spent so much time getting there I had to leave to get back. So I had a quick look around and left frustrated as if it was the biggest teaser trailer in history. The next day I knew what I had to do and whilst the family went to Disneyland, I made that same 90 minute walk to Dreamland. I went on a couple of great rides but I spent most of my time in the confines of the cinema. A double bill that with hindsight seems a entire waste of four hours. Men in Black 2 (rubbish) and Reign of Fire (a dragon movie with hardly any dragons) was still an experience I'll never forget which is strange as I could have been any cinema screen in the world. I made my way to the hotel yet again with a spring in my step. I was happy to hear where we were visiting tomorrow...Universal Studios. I was proclaimed the unofficial tour guide due to my two prior visits but this time we did the full monty. We took the full tour, several rides and yes, another double bill of movies. This set was slightly more enjoyable. The first was Austin Powers in Goldmember (respectable) followed by Eight Legged Freaks (b-movie guilty pleasure). I had seen 4 movies in two days...whilst on holiday. My tally was healthy even though my notepad was over 5000 miles away.

Upon my return to this sceptred isle, I took a trip to my local theatre to witness a thinly veiled attempt to rip off James Bond for an American audience. It starred Vin Diesel and its name was XXX. It's laughable looking back, especially a scene where Mr Diesel rides a motorbike (probably powered by Diesel) over a moderate incline with an tremendous explosion racing behind him. It was forced down our throat so much that the actual stunt was shot from approx 37 different angles and it seemed that the bike was in air for the entire second act. 

Triple X failed to kick off a franchise successfully in the style of Bond which is ironic as 007 was about to hit its lowest ebb with Die Another Day. Decisions such as a embarrassing Madonna cameo, wholly outrageous CGI, a relentlessly annoying Halle Berry and an INVISIBLE CAR!? was enough to bury Pierce Brosnan's Bond where he lay dormant until 2006 when Daniel Craig retrieved 007's balls back.

More box office bombs came out of that year, most of whom I have still yet to ever see with my own eyes. Eddie Murphy's The Adventures of Pluto Nash only made 10% of its budget back and further pushed what was once a juggernaut of comedy further into obscurity and have you ever heard of Avenging Angelo.  I'm sure you haven't. It featured Sly Stallone and didn't even make $1 million total.

I began by explaining my efforts to witness the second part of a trilogy and my memories of 2002 ends with one too. Little did we all know that back in 1999, a movie series was being filmed in faraway New Zealand that would change blockbusters forever. It would prove that if you simply add likeable characters, an epic journey and a few hundred pairs of hairy feet you had a hit on your hands. From 2001-2003, Christmas was dominated by The Lord of the Rings and if it was a sandwich, The Two Towers was the delicious meaty filling. I went three times before the year was over which is a challenge as the film is three hours long. It ended up being the most successful movie of the year making nearly $1 BILLION. 

In a world of downloads, torrents and piracy, there's nothing better than 200 people in one room laughing at a joke or gasping for a characters survival.

And so my year of film came to an end. I raise a glass to the graduating movie class of 2002. It wasn't a vintage year for you but for me, it was the best one I could ever have hoped for.

Adam Yates

2014 - Worst Films of the Year

I'm writing this so I can give myself one final week to binge through any potential masterpieces that may make my TOP 10 but there is no doubt as to what makes the five most disappointing entries of 2014. There are episodes of Dora the Explorer with a deeper plot than these examples of cinema. 

Let's begin with...

Transformers : Age of Extinction

This really has reached the bottom of the barrel. I will admit that I found the first movie extremely entertaining and I also didn't mind "Dark of the Moon" too much either. This is something else. It's too loud (something I never thought I'd ever say), it's got more pointless explosions than Gaza and the human characters are supposedly there for us, the viewer to relate to, but if that's what Michael Bay thinks we act and talk like, then no wonder he couldn't speak in front of an audience. 

http://youtu.be/R4rMy1iA268

I'm not gonna waste more time on this pile of semen so let's move on. 

The Expendables 3

Any film poster that resembles the credits to a movie isn't likely to excite a potential audience. Again, similar to "Transformers" this is just throwing more and more shit at the screen and hoping it sticks. It seems like Sly asked anyone he ever met at a Gym and said "Dya wanna be in my movie? What Part? I'll just make one up for you, man." The fact that the film includes an inside joke about whyBruce Willis is absent tells you all about the script priorities. I never thought I'd say this but Antonio Banderas is the best thing about this film.

A Million Ways to Die in the West

There are moments in this film that are funny however they are too hit and miss that you just feel like you're watching a bad Family Guy episode. The kinda one where they do a 2 minute continuous joke and you're sitting there with whoever you're watching it with and you feel the urge to chuckle just to break the tension. The concept of ole time West setting mixed with moderately modern dialogue and mannerisms is also very 50/50 but in the end you just don't care.

A Long Way Down

I don't know this for certain but if I had to guess, I wouldn't imagine this was a excellent book to begin with. Nick Hornby's books have resulted in some really good films (High Fidelity, About a Boy) but this is pretty non descript. 4 people about to commit suicide, don't. That's the plot. Boring. Next.

Transcendance

Johnny Depp movies fall into two columns - the kooky characters or the straight characters. The first column give us films such as Pirates, Ed Wood, Sleepy Hollow where the latter offers Secret Window and The Tourist. I think you see the difference. This is a movie consistent with column two. This is from the cinematographer who is responsible for the look of the Christopher Nolan films and the attempt at epicness is on show but without the substance needed to accompany it.

Other notable crud that came out this year -

Grudge Match

Amazing Spider-Man 2

Godzilla

Next week I start my countdown of my favourite films of this year. If you couldn't care less, just nod politely.

Adam Yates

Adam's Films of the Year - No 10 - 8

If it isnt apparent already, I'm no film reviewer, which means that I haven't seen every film this year so the list is only as good as my dedication and free time. Saying that I have seen over 70 films this year, half of which released in this calendar year so I do feel some justification in my choices. So let's begin.....

Just Missing Out - Elysium, Zero Dark Thirty, Wreck it Ralph, The Wolverine, World War Z.

10. 

Superman Returns is a strange thing to follow. It seemed to me that the reaction to the film was similar to Titanic, Avatar and Phantom Menace. It received decent/good reviews and decent word of mouth at the time but fast forward a few years and it seems to get crapped on a lot. So We pretend it never happened that Clark did/didn't have a super baby that could push a piano a few feet.

Back to 2013 and Warner Bros give it another shot but this time they employ the man of the moment, Chris 'Trenchcoat' Nolan. From then Man of Steel follows Batman Begins' origin formula and tone quite closely. Which isn't a bad thing. Zack Snyder directs, and this is the guy who has previously adapted 2 comic books to screen (300/watchmen). The action was well staged and most of the films controversy has come from the level of destruction Metropolis receives. I personally don't see the issue. The Avengers brought the fight to New York and no one cared. The whole film was well acted and looked amazing throughout. My favourite element of Man of Steel however is the new Superman theme. I must have listened to it 100 times since summer and it gives me goosebumps everytime

9. 

You won't see this movie on practically anyone's best of list so far and maybe it wouldn't make mine if I had seen some more Oscar contenders. But it's on here for one simple reason, it does what it sets out to do. It's Die Hard in the White House. I've had a soft spot for anything concerning the president since The West Wing so this is right up my Diagon Alley. Terrorists storm the White House and demand the usual stuff terrorists demand. But the president's old bodyguard and ex-chum is determined to  cancel the party, McClane style. Grittier and more intense than its poor rival, White House Down, this played the hand it was dealt and gave a solid action thriller.

8.  

I wasn't blown away by the first installment as I felt its scope was quite small. It also used the same trick as Transformers in that the final third of the film takes place on one street (cost cutting) but it had decent humour and likeable characters. It's 2013 sequel comes off the back of The Avengers and this time it had to pack a serious punch to continue the work of 'phase two' and luckily it did just that. It's definitely bigger and better but not sure about 'darker'. It features a lot of gags, some of which ill timed (tube), some coming out of the mouth of an annoying actress (Kat Dennings) but a lot hit the mark. The action is split between Earth and Thor's gone world but it's only when Loki is released from captivity that the film hits full pelt. It's box office performance has been good enough to see a third solo outing but it will never reach the heights of Iron Man or Supes.

The countdown continues later this week. 

Adam Yates

Worst films of the year

Soon I will compile my top 10 of the year. I just have a few more I want to watch before confirming it. But I doubt my worst five will change so here they are....

5. 

Jason Bateman has a thing with swapping body movies and this isn't too far from that. But the joke falls flat very quickly and a running gag concerning a punch to the throat gets tired after the 5th attempt. Both stars undoubtedly have great comedy timing but it's simply another on the road-buddy comedy getting from A to B which in America I'm sure is hard but us Brits can get from one end of the country to the other in 4 hours (or even 3 if we pay for a Pendolino).

4. 

Weird tone, not funny and at one point, Mark Wahlberg's character wanders around the EXACT apartment complex as Dexter Morgan and that just took me out of the movie completely. I didn't even finish the final third cause I was so bored and uninterested.

3. 

Part Two was a bit amusing but The Hangover Part 3 is beyond the realms of reality. It's almost as if it's characters now know they are in a film as they no longer act as regular 30 somethings. The plot isn't a shade on the original which at least was touching fresh caper. The trilogy also strangely follows the arc of the Ocean's films, the first being in Vegas, the second being a trip abroad and the third signalling a return to where it all began. They never should have left.

2. 

Let me make this clear, I'm not saying this is one of the worst of the year in a quality sense, of course there are worse movies. But at least with them, you expect shitness. This is on the list because of the anticipation and that it failed to deliver so fantastically. The 2009 predecessor was fantastic, fast paced and possessed so much heart and sparkle. This was a tremendous letdown. Not everyone agrees with me but honestly I could easily recite through the precious film's scene by scene but I can hardly remember anything about this film.  JJ Abrams recently admitted that keeping the obvious identity of Benidict Cumberbatch's character a 'secret' was a mistake. Every fan knew he was Khan but the makers denied it right up to the end and when it was revealed in the film, we all didn't care. Plus the new crew of the Starship Enterprise are on a different path than the original so the whole Kirk/Spock death scene is just a nostalgia play. If you haven't grasped it by now, I hated this film not because it's shit but because it didn't capture me the same way the first did and for that it made me very sad.

1. 

I LOVE DIE HARD.

I LOVE DIE HARD 2

I LOVE DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE

I LOVE DIE HARD 4.0

I HATE THIS FILM

A few years ago I attempted to stay away from watching trailers, photos and TV spots for The Dark Knight Rises. I practically made it into the film blind and it was a great showing of my self control. I decided to do it again with this film and I wish I hadn't because if I had seen a trailer I could have saved myself £7 quid. John McClane is an American everyman hero, yes he got a bit silly in the fourth installment but placing McClane in another country is as wrong as hearing that your parents once had sex. It may have happened but you don't wanna see it. In this film we see McClane's 'son' we last saw briefly as a child in the second film but now he's an unlikeable beefcake with a massive head. And he's a spy, I think. I forget. And Bruce Willis is still a cop, I think. I forget. And they both shoot the shit out of Russia with minimal visuals of any kind of police presence. Then there are the special effects...sigh.....one sequence shows father and son exit a building through the window and then land on a handily placed structure all in one shot....it's fucking dire. I urge you all, if you like Die Hard, don't sully it by watching this. Although if it were you telling me it wouldn't stop me but I wish it would.

Notable Mentions -

White House Down - lost the race to release by Olympus Has Fallen and relied too much on CGI.

The Internship - a 98 minute Google advert with old looking wedding crashers.  And then Owen Wilson has it off with Rose Byrne, where's the justice in that?!

Jobs - a poor mans Social Network. iMitation.

Next week - My top films of the year 10-6

Adam Yates