Mad Men in a Nutshell

MAD MEN!? I love this series!! It's about four old blokes. They're all played by middle aged actors that used to be shit hot but are now not. They go on holiday and get into hilarious situations. It's proper banter.

You're thinking of the very average Mad Dogs. This is Mad Men, the golden globe winning drama starring Jon Hamm.

Oh...when's Mad Dogs back then?

I'll get back to you on that.

Well, seeing as I'm here, what's Mad Men and why should I care?

Mad Men revolves around an advertising agency in 1960's New York. It's been a worldwide sensation since its debut back in 2007. After eight years and 91 episodes, it's final instalment airs this Thursday on Sky Atlantic.

I have Virgin Media and can't get this elitist channel. I've heard that if you watch Sky Atlantic, you die within seven days.

I'd imagine Sky's lawyers would disagree and strongly advise me to say that any deaths accuring within seven days are purely coincidental.

How mad are these mad men? Are they as mad as Mad Max? Did you know there's a new Mad Max film out. Although I don't think Mel Gibson is Max anymore because he called someone 'Sugar Tits' years ago and Hollywood never forgets.

The title is a play on the phrase Ad Men which is what the show centres on. There is tiny glimpses of madness on the show but on the whole it's quite sophisticated and calm. Everyone wears ties and has hankerchiefs.

You're not really selling this to me. What do they do for a cliffhanger? Break a plate?

It's hard to explain but if you watched it from the start, you'd get why people love it so much.

So you're trying to make me watch the last episode of a TV show which I won't appreciate because I haven't seen the earlier ones?

All of the earlier episodes are on Sky's Catch on Demand service.

Who do you work for? Let me see your papers!

Erm...

I thought so. I love my Virgin Media Tivo box. I have every episode of Match of the Day recorded. Go and flog Sky someplace else. I'm off to see Tom Hardy in Mad Max, he's the tits!

- Adam Yates -

#19 First World (Cup) Problems

To many of you this will sound sad and pathetic but I'm about to take two weeks off. As a husband, this would normally mean a mixture of manly garden work and filing my tax returns. As a father this may mean taking my daughter to the zoo or making a three course meal out of playdoh. But as a man in June 2014, this means the FIFA World Cup.

Yes, I have took paid time off work to watch countless hours of men kicking the living shit out of a hyper aerodynamic ball which was probably made in a Somalian sweatshop and claims to be 58% more bally than the last one. I love a good sporting event and I've cut back on watching sports that I used to watch simply because they were sport. So when a football tournament comes around every two years, I'm there with fucking bells on. Thankfully, England are still in the running to win but that's simply because they haven't played yet. My expectations for England are so low that I think I can deal with their misery a lot better this time around.

If you watch a soap, then you probably hate the World Cup as your daily gaze into the lives of fictional alcoholic, adulterous adults will be either delayed or played at an awkward time. To be honest, I didnt even NEED to take time off as all the games start in the evening, I just wanted to feel involved. And boy have I got involved. I've watched all the shit prep programmes on Dave and BBC Three detailing all the misery surrounding past England squads. I've started a sweepstake in work and manhandled colleagues into paying into my fantasy. I've even paid good money into purchasing a Panini sticker album but I swear I know at least two other adults (men-children) who have also stopped to this level of mid life crises.

Next up, I'm preparing which nights to go the the pub. This involves multiple counts of decision making. Who do I go with to which game? Who will actually WANT to go with me to which game? Where do we go to watch it? And last but not least, which battles do I choose at home when I say "hello darling, just to let you know, you're going to be looking after our child by yourself for two to three nights a week." This means balancing the scale mightily with extra chores such as night/morning baby duty, cleaning up the house and countless back and foot rubs.

As much as I'm looking forward to this years offering, several disappointments could make this an anti-climatic fortnight. Where's the cheesy World Cup song from Ed Sherran feat. PitBull and Will I Am? Where's the England flag waving from the white van man? Where's the amazing Nike advert? Plus where is the belief from the England team that they can actually compete? They look scared and void of ideas. When England cease to be involved, my excitement wanes and my anticipation for the quarter final matchup of Ghana and Portugal will be at an all time low.

But that's the magic of the World Cup whether you're a seasoned pro like Lineker or a sweaty rascal like Chiles. It's what you make of it and I intend to do just that.

Adam Yates

Adam's Films of the Year - No 10 - 8

If it isnt apparent already, I'm no film reviewer, which means that I haven't seen every film this year so the list is only as good as my dedication and free time. Saying that I have seen over 70 films this year, half of which released in this calendar year so I do feel some justification in my choices. So let's begin.....

Just Missing Out - Elysium, Zero Dark Thirty, Wreck it Ralph, The Wolverine, World War Z.

10. 

Superman Returns is a strange thing to follow. It seemed to me that the reaction to the film was similar to Titanic, Avatar and Phantom Menace. It received decent/good reviews and decent word of mouth at the time but fast forward a few years and it seems to get crapped on a lot. So We pretend it never happened that Clark did/didn't have a super baby that could push a piano a few feet.

Back to 2013 and Warner Bros give it another shot but this time they employ the man of the moment, Chris 'Trenchcoat' Nolan. From then Man of Steel follows Batman Begins' origin formula and tone quite closely. Which isn't a bad thing. Zack Snyder directs, and this is the guy who has previously adapted 2 comic books to screen (300/watchmen). The action was well staged and most of the films controversy has come from the level of destruction Metropolis receives. I personally don't see the issue. The Avengers brought the fight to New York and no one cared. The whole film was well acted and looked amazing throughout. My favourite element of Man of Steel however is the new Superman theme. I must have listened to it 100 times since summer and it gives me goosebumps everytime

9. 

You won't see this movie on practically anyone's best of list so far and maybe it wouldn't make mine if I had seen some more Oscar contenders. But it's on here for one simple reason, it does what it sets out to do. It's Die Hard in the White House. I've had a soft spot for anything concerning the president since The West Wing so this is right up my Diagon Alley. Terrorists storm the White House and demand the usual stuff terrorists demand. But the president's old bodyguard and ex-chum is determined to  cancel the party, McClane style. Grittier and more intense than its poor rival, White House Down, this played the hand it was dealt and gave a solid action thriller.

8.  

I wasn't blown away by the first installment as I felt its scope was quite small. It also used the same trick as Transformers in that the final third of the film takes place on one street (cost cutting) but it had decent humour and likeable characters. It's 2013 sequel comes off the back of The Avengers and this time it had to pack a serious punch to continue the work of 'phase two' and luckily it did just that. It's definitely bigger and better but not sure about 'darker'. It features a lot of gags, some of which ill timed (tube), some coming out of the mouth of an annoying actress (Kat Dennings) but a lot hit the mark. The action is split between Earth and Thor's gone world but it's only when Loki is released from captivity that the film hits full pelt. It's box office performance has been good enough to see a third solo outing but it will never reach the heights of Iron Man or Supes.

The countdown continues later this week. 

Adam Yates

#10 Optimus Prime Minister... (Part 2)

My post last week prompted mild discussion which was enjoyable considering it was just my 5 ideas to fix Broken Britain. Click here to remind yourselves of them if you wish.

As I said, it all came about because of an inspiring West Wing episode where Toby attempted to save Social Security for the future regardless of who eventually took credit for it.

So lets crack on with part 2 - again these are policies that I know would be tough and maybe not popular right now but they are the best for the future. 

As ole Dumbledore once said "Sometimes you have to choose what is right over what is easy."

6. Mandatory inflation rise in wages under 20k a year.

For myself and probably many others, you'd think that the longer you stay in a job you more you earn. This may be because of company annual rises, bonuses or promotion. However most employees under this 20k bracket find themselves getting paid the same, which in reality means less due to inflation and following on from that, increases in utility bills. We (and by that I mean I also as I fall in this bracket) should not fall further down the pecking order simply for being loyal to my company. Therefore the government would enforce a levy to businesses to endure that the lower paid part of their workforce (which also means the most vital and important) are kept above water by increases based on inflation. The money lost by businesses would simply be recouped by less wastage or not rewarding failing bosses and their leaving benefits. This however would not fully pay for this scheme and perhaps the government could help subsidise it but if it means companies lose 1% of their profits then so be it.

7. Life in prison means just that.

This is one I can't believe has not been inplemented yet as I can't see who is defending criminals. Yes people make mistakes and there is plenty of room for second chances but not when it comes to rape, murder and armed offences where there is no room for debate. Why should I potentially miss out on anything from a job or a seat on a bus because some murderer is free to live his life? Will this crowd prisons? Of course, so make more. Really why can't we? What's the worst that could happen? We employ builders to build them and employ officers to man them? There's jobs and investment right there. And the money needed to pay for the extra prisons? Check out no 8.

Too many times have I also heard about some prisoners having more TV channels than I have. No wonder they reoffend. It's a free hotel. So get them working and get them learning. I know this already happens in all prisons but I doubt that its mandatory to take gcse's and degrees. Recently a Prison Officer who wishes to remain anonymous was adamant that the prisoners of today have more human rights given to them than law abiding citizens. Basically I feel that if you have committed a crime then you lose a lot of human rights that you'd enjoy as a free man/woman. Personally I'd reintroduce the death penalty but that'll never happen. There's more chance that Andy Murray will win Wimb....oh.

8. Significantly cut our defence systems

£29.1bn.

That's how much it cost our nation to utilise our defences. But not the whole army and weapons, only one part of it. That whole amount was all spent or is being spent on one-time use military weapons. One time being the term for something we can't use again, for example nuclear bombs, missiles and other equipment such as disposable BBQ's for that one day of summer.

I completely agree there should be a military presence and a strong one at that but I can't understand how we're meant to deter countries with these particular weapons. If a country decided to bomb the UK it would be nearly demolished with one bomb, there would be nothing to fight for anyway even if one of our bombs were situated in a neighbouring country. Besides our allies have plenty between them to protect the world. All that money would solve most of our issues and be used for my other policies.

9. Increase Sports in schools

Never has there been a perfect moment to jump onto sports education. With the Olympics, Lions success and of course Murray Mania, kids are gagging to take part but can't. Broken glass is squatting in most of our public (concrete) tennis courts, drug youths have took refuge by basketball hoops in some homage to The Fresh Prince and swimming pools are getting more and more shallow. We may be enjoying some great sport these last two years but England needs to wake up and realise something....we're not winning most of it. McIlroy (Irish), Murray (Scottish), Lions (mostly Welsh), Bale (Welsh) and many more. So to combat this we need to seriously alter our approach to Sports Ed. Not only for sporting triumphs but for tackling obesity at a young age. Double the lessons, cover food science, lifestyle and schools should specialise in a sport that then compete with other specialist schools. The best moment of school for me was when I had lapped my rivals in a 400m indoor sprint. If I had been worked harder at my next race against the regions best. This may be a blog for the BBC Sports page and not in-between stops on the 52A bus.

10. Nationalise Pay Day Lending

As we have all maybe heard this week, Kerry Katona has been dropped as the whinging face of Cash Lady...due to financial troubles. That's like sacking Stacy Solomon from Iceland because her freezer is full. She's now THE perfect face for pay day lending. However the industry is a parasite feeding on opportunistic flesh and needs to be controlled but not like we control the banks (laughs) but by taking it over. The government becomes your pay day lender. Why not? They would be helping out their own voters with a low interest rate which in turn goes towards subsidising my earlier inflation wage increase therefore lowering the amount of people requiring handouts between payslips. The only loser in all this would be the Jeremy Kyle show which would lose half of its advertisers. Which is even more reason to do it!

Adam Yates

#7 The One Show to miss

I struggled this week to think of a subject to write about. I was gonna talk about James Gandolfini but I couldn't do him justice, then I was gonna do The Apprentice but I'll hold that for another time. So I racked my brain and thought about a show that is hard to turn away from but also achingly annoying.

Enter The One Show.

It's basically the News for Racist Royalists. Those that don't want any foreign correspondents telling them about starving brown people. They want to know about who said what back in the day and why the Queen likes Corgi's.

But for those that don't know what I'm going on about, let me explain.

The show begins with a extremely clever and catchy (ie annoying) musical jingle where a choir basically says OOONNNEEE! 5 times. It's truly groundbreaking.

Then there's an audience but they can't afford chairs so they stand for 30m (60m if it's a Friday, keep up!) but there's only 10 of them so I don't think they're intentionally participating, it's prob just a waiting area for fraudulent Jimmy Saville abusees who want beyond the grave justice and have to watch the show to complete their lawsuit. Many decide to end their claim there and then rather than be abused again by Alex Jones.

Alex Jones by the way is the fuzzy and warm host. We know this because she has an accent and all regionally spoken hosts can be trusted. Her previous co-host was fuzzy and cheeky Jason Manford. We know he's warm cause he has an accent, but he's also warm from all the wanking he does when he was found out as a propa bad sexter! His missus wasn't happy but he left soon after that scandal.

So now she's left with warm and fuzzy Matt Baker. We know he's warm cause he has a countryside accent and he was a Blue Peter presenter. Blue Peter presenters never go rogue and snort coke off the cracks of Prozzie's.

Straight away they introduce their guest for the evening. But they're not there for the good of their health. They have tat to sell whether it be a book, a stand up DVD or a concert tour. More offer than not the guest of honour is a washed up pop star from way back when (I swear Donny Osmond is on it every 2 weeks) but sometimes they get a jet lagged Bruce Willis or a confused David Cameron.

Now most shows would lick the arse of their guest and plug whatever it is they have to offer but not The One Show, they pull a 180 such as this peach.

"Please welcome our guest, acclaimed actor Michael Gambon. (Applause)

Today marks the 247th anniversary of the great Southampton Cauliflower Famine, we sent Ewan Thomas (???) to find out if the region has recovered.

So now Gambon is left to his own devices whilst we watch a VT of some ex athlete bombing it round the south coast looking for veg. Then they return back to the studio and thrown ole Gambon a curveball.

"So Michael, have you eaten a cauliflower recently?"

But the guest may have not even seen the segment as the TV screen showing it is on some fucked up angle so we 'the viewer' can see it for some reason. So Gambon has to pull a neck muscle to see the piece and then comment on its contents. Whatever the guest proclaims, Matt will hold his hand to his mouth as if he's just heard who got killed in Game of Thrones next week.

And then to calm his down they mention his new film, but only for a minute before launching into a segment on where the phrase 'when I was your age' originated.

Then repeat the above three more times and you have The One Show.

I hear you cry 'this is amazing groundbreaking television' but wait there's a finale! On Fridays the producers decided that Baker can't be on our TV's too much so they rope in Chris Evans (the ginger one) and they do a whole hour of this shit. But the one difference is that they go outside and do some kind of activity that usually involves going around in a circle. If they changed it up to a figure of eight, grannies would collapse in front of their black and white John Lewis TV's.

It's probably best to end the post on this note. Just in case you haven't yet agreed to why this show is the devil. The One Show made 'stars' of Adrian 'pork pie' Chiles and Christine 'I used too much self tan but I can't go back now otherwise I'd just be admitting it' Bleakley.

Now they're national treasures. I think.

Adam Yates

#4 Breaking Bad Habits

I'll admit. I have a problem. When I like certain things whether it be a film, a TV show or a band, I'll try to share my find with others. Sometimes they will agree or sometimes they won't. My biggest victory was forcing 24 (see earlier post) onto my immediate family with resounding success then I shown it to my girlfriend, then the next one then the next one who I finally married.

My wife however is, how can I put his mildly, a bloody stubborn woman. Where many people would see past their own tastes to trust others she will not.

Firstly to watch a film we must eliminate certain possibilities.

"Does it have spiders or zombies?" 

"No Dear"

"Does it have dead dogs?"

"No I don't think Monsters Inc is marketed towards dead dog fans?"

"Does it have Tom Cruise in it because you know I hate Tom Cruise?"

"No"

"Ok let me read the synopsis"

Now some movies may not be able to be put simply into one paragraph so there's another 100 masterpieces dismissed because of Netflix's inability to sell Con Air.

So now we come to the latest Yates media conflict. I have been waiting a while to begin watching Breaking Bad. I had seen the first season a few years ago and whilst I weren't blown away, I have been promised by the Internet and by face to face beings that it has become one of the best things around.

So a few months back I put on the pilot again for the missus (and for me). My biggest mistake was that I didn't persist with the other episodes and now she is insisting that the pilot was boring and dull.

It's worth noting that here are a list of films that she found to be of similar excitement or at the very least alright and you will understand my frustration.

Die hard

Monsters inc (fell asleep)

Fight Club

Donnie Darko

The social network

Kick Ass

Inception

Wall e

Pulp Fiction

Heat

Obviously those reading this may agree with some of these as being overrated or dull but I'd hope that you found most of that list to be a enjoyable watching experience.

My other bit of major stubborn evidence is situated in the world of TV. I did a similar request with Modern Family (hearing great things) so we put it on. The show utilises the format of the characters sometimes talking to camera as if interviewed, which annoyed her majesty no end.

"Is it like this all the way through?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"I don't like it."

And that was the end of Modern Family.....or is it? I continued to watch the show, sometimes on my own, most times with the missus in the room and the strangest thing happened. She scoffed at a joke, then another. I then ONLY watching it in her presence and she quickly began to lose her inhibitions and her inaccurate first impression and we now watch the show on a weekly basis.

So why can't she apply that 'mistake' to breaking bad?

What I desperately need is for her to hear from her friends of the show's quality however I fear most of them are still sharing with anticipation of the prospect of The Big Reunion Season 2 to dabble in Emmy award winning drama.

Am I destined to watch genius television alone?

West Wing - Too political

Sopranos - never get past the synopsis

The Wire - the impossible sell

Breaking Bad - ???

I'm all too aware of the ultimately simple answer to this question. Different people like different things. But all I say to that is YEAH BUT THIS THING IS GOOOOD! Yes I found your romantic comedy which always ends in a social and public display of affection truly riveting. Yes I accept that so many dramatic deaths and accidents can happen in a fictional suburb of Chester. And Yes I enjoyed the episodic adventures of 6 young manhattan friends the first 74 times I saw it. But hey, here's an idea, lets watch something that's new.

***UPDATE*** We have since started BB and are currently 3 episodes in of a 4 episode commitment by the missus. Hopefully the agreement will be extended. 11/07/13

Adam Yates

#3 Twenty-Four Memories

Last week it was rumoured then semi confirmed that the hit TV show 24 will return for a one off run of episodes in the near future. For many people this is simply a bit of telly box news that they instantly discarded but for me it was like heaven on a sky box. There had been plans for a movie version of the programme but I'll happily take a dozen hours of the show over a 2 hour film.

For those that don't know, 24 is a big part of my life and whether you love it or hate it, I will try to give you an insight into my Jack Bauer obsessed life.

1. I first saw the trailer for the show on BBC 2 and to be honest I had no particular love for Kiefer Sutherland who was to the star. However the concept of the show (events in real time) captured my attention and I watched the first episode that Sunday back in 2001.

2. The ending of that episode was controversial as it featured a terrorist plane crash weeks after it happened for real on September 11.

3. My friend Dave, who also watched the show in its entirety and shared my obsession wasn't blown away by it at first. That came in the next episode, but I liked to remind him over the years that I saw its potential 40 mins earlier however juvenile that is.

4. It's worth knowing that this was before the Sky + generation and I have watched every episode (bar one when I went on holiday) live on TV and not recorded. These days I watch everything recorded even if its only an hour after.

5. When the first series ended, I was a fan for life! I bought the DVD boxset and rewatched it before the second series began. The second, again began on BBC 2, which would be the last season it aired on live free to air TV before moving to SKY.

6. By now I had started a trend I still maintain to this day. I had begun to show the series to anyone that would relent. First I hooked my parents, then my grandad and then my sister. Then people at work and finally my girlfriend. When we broke up, I shown it to my new girlfriend, then again, and then finally to my present one (although she'd prefer to be called my wife). It seemed for a while that once I had shown them 24, I broke up just so I could experience it again with a new lady. However that proved to be false but I hope they got something out of it.

7. After season three I had bought 3 boxsets. The first season that I then sold to get the 1/2 collection and then sold again to get the 1/2/3 collection. Some of these unwanted boxsets still sit in my dads house. The thing about the 1-3 boxset was that they were limited edition and numbered. I worked at Virgin Megastore at the time so I had the task of sifting through 100 boxsets looking for the lowest numbered collection. I finally succeeded with one that had 000025 which pleased me no end but I still wish it was one lower for obvious reasons.

8. The show had already took over my life. You could still email me at jackbaueruk2005@yahoo.co.uk if you wish but I probably deleted it. For years that was the email i have on my CV. No wonder I didn't get that Mi5 job.

9. Back in 2004 me and my fellow fan Dave, decided to watch 1-2 seasons of 24 in 48 hours. It was an epic weekend of poker, food, minimal sleep and Jack Bauer action. We always said we'd do it again one day but we never did and if we tried I don't think our wives and children would understand.

10. As the seasons rolled on it was easier to pick and choose your favourite ones. It was similar to the Star Trek system where the even numbered movies were considered the better attempts but in our case it was the odd numbered seasons (especially 1/3/5) that were the stand outs.

11. One of the great things about the show being on SKY were the billboards they made and I always loved seeing one for the first time. There was once one with Jack blindfolded and it looked so awesome I wanted to ask the billboard people if they would give it to me. 

12. When I shown my wife the entire run, she was unimpressed at first but then grew to love it as well. Her favourite character (aka hot one) was Tony Almeida. (Spoilers ahead until no 13) In the gigantic season 5, Tony was unceremoniously killed and Sarah looked at me and with a serious tone she said "I'm not watching anymore". It took a couple of days to convince her to watch as I already knew he would be back in season 7 but the damage had been done and she distrusted the show ever since.

13. As far as I can remember I have only seen 2 seasons with my wife live. That meant some concessions on her part. I ALWAYS had to have the lights off whilst watching it for the first time and back in the day, delivery or oven pizza was mostly on the menu (delivery especially if it was a finale episode). Also silence was part of the menu apart from gasps of glee.

14. Despite our love of the show, me and Dave only saw a few episodes live in the same room. Sometimes I would finish work and go to his to play (lose) Fifa or win the odd match up on the sublime Fight Night. The odd episode we did watch were fun as the smallest details that Jack Bauer performed resulted in screams of coolness. I remember at the end of the fifth season (I think), Jack simply reloaded a gun a certain way and we rewound the SKY + five times to see it again.

15. When the show ended, a hole was there to be plugged. The only show that has come close with similar twists and shocks is Dexter and I urge anyone to give it a go. Other notable mentions are The Shield and Jericho.

16. Most people know that I have a tattoo dedicated to 24. Roman numerals in case I have to reinterpret my story for work or religious reasons (it's how much I love god! You never know when a tattoo might get you out of trouble).

17. For all the love I have for this show, at the present time I have NO DVDs of this left. I sold them all to make way for the last collection (currently £49) but with the new season I may as well wait and do it all again.

18. Various other bits I have of the show... A couple of unopened Jack figurines (one busting down a door), some fake CTU badges, some episode guides, a bag that i convinced myself was something Jack would have wore.

19. Like many people back in the day, I had the ringtone on my phone. Not the theme to the show but how the phones in CTU sounded. Only fans will get what I mean but I promise you that you have heard it many a time.

20. I make an effort not to read any spoilers for the show and I have never done so. I also make a note to 'watch dumb' in that I watch the show not trying to guess the killer, mole or ending so that I am always pleasantly surprised.

21. One thing people hate about 24 is the adverts. That's why so many people watch it on DVD. But I say two things, one is that the best thing is seeing something great happen and waiting a whole week to see what happens next. And two as its in real time, whilst the adverts come on, jack is still there but he's simply having a piss or a bite to eat. So don't rush him by fast forwarding, give him a chance to rest!

22. 24 was one of the first shows that started the trend of casting movie stars in a television programme. Nowadays it's seen as the better medium in some respects and everyone does it but it all stated with Kiefer. Examples - Kevin Bacon (The Following), Glenn Close (Damages).

23. This reason can be given to the best twist in the shows history and it happened on the 23rd episode of season one. Those who watch should already know what I mean but when that happened I shouted at the TV in my room and it was all over the papers the next day. I waited seven days to see the final episode, it felt like seventy.

24. Ahhhh...the end. But there's gonna be more. Sooooo happy.

Adam Yates