Sunday, 29 January 2017

Merseyrail Track Renewal in a Nutshell

Not exactly the sexiest title to a blog is it? Where's the back button?

There's nothing sexy about this experience.

What's happening then?

Basically, the rail loop system in Liverpool and Birkenhead is ancient and needs a major work so the powers that be have decided to repair it without the hassle of being run over by a train every 4 minutes so that portion of the route is effectively closed.

Sounds sensible. I heard about this massive pothole in Japan or some shit in the middle of a busy road that just appeared from nowhere and 3 days later it was fixed. I assume this will only take a week or so? It is the 21st century after all

It's gonna take 6 months. 

That is disgraceful! I can't stand this bureaucratic nonsense anymore. This is all the European Union's fault. I hate those guys. I say we hold a referendum to get away from their grubby little rules and be a nation once more.

That already happened. The country is divided, tensions run high and women with expensive handbags are now in charge of our money. Things are becoming more expensive. Cars, electricity, beer...

I say we hold a referendum to get back into the European Union. I love those guys! 

So will take six months overall. Some weeks we have to take buses over the Mersey and then catch a train. It's a real hoot.

What's Merseyrail doing to ease this tremendous burden whilst also making the track safer so you don't die in a fiery death under a river?

They lay on occasional snacks such as water and apples.

Sounds like horse food to me. Anything that humans eat like bacon butties or cookies?

Yes but I was off that day. 

Sad times. Maybe they don't like you.

Maybe they don't. I do tweet the company when things get out of control.

Oh. You're one of them.

I have a right to free speech and to voice my opinions.

When they wrote those laws I doubt it was to troll rail companies about the lack of unsmoked bacon rashers on a bap.

Are you on my side or not?

I'm on whatever side the bacon is on.

From next month replacement buses only operate only at weekends and the train starts and stops at James St.

James Street? Is that the station where all those tourists get off to visit a spoon that John Lennon may or may not have touched?

Yeah it's a real dive. That will be the scenario until May when phase three comes into play.

Phase three? As in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Hulk smash replacement track?

The word 'Phase' was around before superheroes.

If you say so.