This event was, of course, the MTV Video Music Awards. It doesn't as much present awards to the best but rather to the 'artist' with fans who are willing to vote 73 times without blinking. It also serves as a sounding board for new releases by the worlds biggest strippers...I mean...pop stars. This year was no exception with the likes of Lady Gaggag, Kanye Northwest and Katherine Perry all vying for your attention using various methods. Lady Gaga opened the show by staring at us with egg white surrounding her face. I was simply watching the show but I felt like she was in the room with me, judging me for being too normal looking. She proceeded to produce rhythmic noise and change outfits periodically throughout. There was a big sign behind her which said 'applause' which is rumoured to be the name of the noise but could also be a reminder to the audience once it ends. Then the show sprinted through awards that had been handed out to non celeb, technical folk in a matter of seconds. Because we don't want to see people, we want freaks and boy did we see one next.
UK viewers could have known in advance what was about to appear as we had the broadcast a day later but those in the crowd were oblivious to the torture they were about to witness. A performance featuring man of the summer, Robin Thicke and former child talent turned slut, Miley Cyrus the Virus. She came out of a teddy bear and decided her best attribute was her irregularly sized tongue as she continuously protracted it out of her mouth every 4 seconds. She was apparently singing but my ears couldn't decipher the chords or lyrics. The drivel eventually stopped and out came Thicke who was about to get an inch thicker once he encountered Cyrus. His uber-hit Blurred Lines kicked in and Miley played along and danced promiscuously around her mate until she presented herself to him in the style of, what the kids call 'twerking' and promptly twerked her bottom inside Robin Thicke's crotch. It was sickening. There were little kids in that audience, 'lil Suzy, 'lil Bobby, 'lil Kim. The day after, a photo emerged of Will Smith and his kids looking positively shocked at what they were seeing, Jaden was beyond shock and he was in After Earth so he knows bad when he sees it. Miley eventually scuttled backstage either aware of the uproar that would follow or oblivious to her actions.
But alas the earth continued to rotate and the show went on.
The rest of the show consisted of various black people who I didn't recognise (no, they don't all look the same, I just don't know them) and attempted to be funny by saying "ass like a yam","damn girl" and doing some gang sign with their hands whenever they said more than 4 words. It kinda looks when you spill beer on your fingers and you need to flick it off. One Direction won some shit and talked some nonsense and that was pretty much it.
Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars performed and won some awards. They actually contain some talent and was the only watchable part of the show. Katy Perry then closed the proceedings with a elaborate boxing ring set and a song we couldn't really hear very well due to her lack of skill when it comes to live gigs.
Is this what music is nowadays? How can MTV present awards for music when their main channel doesn't broadcast any? All they show now is two-worded reality experiments. Is it any wonder kids are getting dumber and hang around street corners more than ever before? It's because they can only learn speech from passers by and they then reteach it to their 'crew in form of chinese whispers.
Wanna see how bad music is at the moment? Go to channel 350 (or 310 if you're poor) and scroll through one at a time. This is the common result:
Old Rock chart
Old Pop chart
If you get to women's cricket you've gone too far.