There I said it. How can anybody like that ball of hot plasma interwoven with magnetic fields? It's a space hazard that should be put out like a pikey bonfire. Yes I know it would be the end of days but I just can't stand the heat.
I've never enjoyed hot sunny days but I've grudgingly dealt with it because a) I was a child so I didn't have a choice or b) I was married so I didn't have a choice. As a acne free youth I played out a lot and although the sun shone, I was having too much fun to notice but I wasn't having fun BECAUSE of the sun but despite it. Then in my teens on holidays abroad, I would walk to the local tourist shoppe and buy myself a 2 day old Daily Mirror and hide under the parasol until the moon came to scare the star away.
But my hatred of sunshine was at its worst in Las Vegas. I was under age so I couldn't gamble or drink so all that remained was to sightsee. The heat was UNBEARABLE! The hottest place I have ever stood. The whole family ran from bus stop to bus stop to keep out of its wrath before we ended up in one of the strips many air conditioned resorts. After that experience I spent most of my time in the hotel room even at night when the rest of the family enjoyed Vegas shows.
Someone told me this week, ironically whilst we were sweltering in a city centre beer garden, that the sun is technically only 20 years old as its cycle around the solar system has only occurred some 2 dozen times in its lifetime. I do tend to hate 20 somethings pretending to be older than they are so maybe this is the reason for my heat rage.
This week I've had a week off work and it's been nothing but sweltering, baby minding, fan altering, perspiring hell. The missus believes the summer heat is a godsend as do millions of like-minded fools. I've always felt that my sweat glands are broken (line up ladies!) and that perhaps I'm just not designed to cope with high temperatures.
I'm writing this under the protection of a 1ft fan blowing cold recycled wind on my ankles whilst my shirt is open similar to a Take That music video, then I shall soon retire to the bedroom which houses a more powerful ceiling fan with 3 glorious speeds. Now if only Apple can produce an app that can blow refreshing air through the iPhone's orifice's because if that was to happen, then I would let that phone do whatever it wants to me and I hope it finds my 3G-spot and blows on it like soup of the day. Boy did that last paragraph get weird?
Adam Yates
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