#12 I'm Hired

With The Apprentice reaching its conclusion last night it seems fitting to announce my intention to enter the entrepreneurial club in the near future. If bloody Luisa-flash-tits can have 73 successful businesses then why cant I? I don't need the retail politics, unnerving amount of job losses and general negativity that surrounds the work minority. That being said, It would only be a small online biz so my full time position would still exist but any profit would be amazing.

It all started when I checked Go-Daddy.com for the domain name of my daughter to check if its available for purchase. My reasons being that if she became a child actor or tennis sensation, then I would have the website already rather than barter with some meow-meow fuelled troll who's looking for his next fix. From that initial search I went to my own name, maybe for the blog you're reading right now and then I began to plunder through my wacky business ideas I've had over the years.

Multi-Story-Cemetery.com

Space is dwindling people! Have you ever seen a new cemetery being built? Me neither. Some may want to visit their loved ones on their dinner hour. Well now you can with this all new City Centre  facility. Pray and Display! Artificial grass on 8 floors of heavenly respectful mourning, HD tombstones showcasing the memories of the deceased and a video guestbook available to all visitors. Visit 3 or more graves on the same day and parking comes free on your next visit. The RIP-VIP store provides biodegradable flowers, wreaths and magazines for those kids who just get bored.

OrangaTaxi.Co.Uk

Need I say more? The customer who enquiries as to the late whereabouts of their taxi gets through to the switchboard and starts off saying...

"Hiya I rang a taxi..."

"Hello"

"Hi, I rang a taxi..."

"HELLO?"

"No I'm not saying your company I'm telling you my problem"

"Oh ok"

"Right, I rang a taxi..."

"Hello? (Sniggers)"

It's comedy gold, maybe to be followed by liquidation but it would be a humorous caper. Plus the orangatuan mascot in a ford escort would be hysterical.

To my surprise, none of these fabulous ideas had been snapped up however I don't have the real estate nor access to a  fully licensed Orangatuan so those schemes have been put back on hold. Copyright Adam Yates.

So I went on Facebook to share my experience and casually asked a friend of mine that we should set up a small business but the moment I clicked send, I got excited at the prospect and within an hour, the recipient replied to say that he had been wanting to start such a business for a while and that we should start tossing ideas around which we have done for a few days now. At this present time I have come to the conclusion that such a plan requires £1000 start up money, a website/marketplace and creative unique designs which skirt on the border of copyright infringement.

Over the last 24 hours I did begin to doubt myself as I always do but I sell 'be your own boss' books to so many mong-jockeys that I wonder how they can have the self belief and not me? When you walk home after work, everywhere you look there's a person who took a chance and owns their own shop, van or greasy spoon. The business I'm looking into is minimal risk as I'm not aiming to have a physical shop or apply for any loans. If it makes me £50 a month I'd be fucking chuffed as beans.

So keep an eye out for my attempt at world domination, support me where you can, accept my begging requests for  Facebook 'likes' and maybe even buy something on launch day even if you don't want it. Besides you never know when you'll need a kilo of Grade D Cocaine. Kidding.

Adam Yates (wannabe businessman)