If you were asked by a stranger on the street on a scale of 1-100 how happy you're generally feeling, would you reply with 77? Because that's what the latest figures suggest coming out of a government survey published this week. National happiness is at 77% which is a small rise from the previous year. Some have suggested that we're somehow still drunk from the Olympics and the Diamond Jubilee and that when we wake up everyday, we just reminisce about Super Saturday and Prince Phillip's pneumonia battle watching that shit regatta on the Thames.
So if you don't believe in the above, then what else is the cause for our glee? The robots fighting monsters flick Pacific Rim came out last week and coincidentally is scoring a 7.7/10 on IMDB. Could the survey have been mistakenly held near a local Odeon and had simply caught all of the recent cinema goers? Probably not. Emeli Sande has been moderately quiet since the Olympics. That's enough to make anyone ecstatic but she's got a new video out this week so it can't be that. Maybe it's simply down to one thing....life is good at the moment. But would you give your life a 7/10? I wouldn't. Yes I have a lovely home that's filled with modern facilities, a wife, daughter and a toastie maker but the coalition didn't give me any of that. I have a job that's considerably underpaid and one that lives in a challenging industry that's competing with the likes of Amazon who pay no corporation tax. What about the constant cuts to council budgets that will soon see us lose our culture, playing fields and police officers?
What the survey doesn't tell us is maybe the most important details....when and where? If I wanted to 'juke' the stats of this particular questionnaire, I'd only ask at a certain time of day. If it were London, I'd ask on a Friday at 5.01pm in a beer garden. If it were Bradford, it would be outside the benefit office when someone has just been handed a cheque for applying for 2.5 jobs. But seriously, the timing of the survey is important especially if they asked the public on the weekend. Obviously nearly all of us would prefer to be off work during weekends but we can't have everything. Did you know a massive 27% of working Britain work Sundays compared to 15% of the rest of the EU? Deducting 27 from 100 leaves 73 which is mightily close to the 77% figure. Surely the government rang the middle class on the sly on Sunday afternoon whilst us minions were working for 'the man' thereby giving themselves the best chance of happiness? Especially if they rang between Sunday Brunch and Channel 5's Sunday movie marathon as no one can resist the charm of Simon Rimmer and Flight of the Navigator on the same afternoon?!
Overall I can't simply believe that such a high amount of people are 'that happy'. We're a nation a fucking moaning twats, me included. We watch depressing soaps such as Eastenders but have Ofcom on speed dial just in case Phil Mitchell shows the glimpse of a blood-soaked pube. We are convinced the countries is full of rapists, immigrants and nunchucks even though recorded crime is at a 20 year low. Music has never been more retarded thanks mostly to incomprehensible RnB filling the charts. Danny Dyer still finds work and Craig David is convinced he will still 'break America' simply because he has enough money to fly there. Freddo's cost....ya know I don't even know how much they cost anymore. The country's on its arse, how can anyone be happy?
Five ways to make Britain happier -
1. Dress down Fridays for everyone....even Pallbearers, Scallies and that security guard by the baskets in Primark.
2. The ability to safely turn left on a red light.
3. Hand drawn Disney films.
4. Ban the production of sad looking dogs made out of sand in City Centres.
5. Limit the National Lottery show to 10 minutes and 2 draws.
See? Aren't you happier in a world that doesn't feature Sand-Dogs? So to summarise, that survey is a load of me arse? I leave you with this.
Scouting for Girls have released a Greatest Hits album? Still 77% happy?
Adam Yates
I would be so much happier if the sand dogs went away...
ReplyDeleteI understand your suspicion of the percentage. All stats are completely made up or manufactured. As soon as I saw that figure I wondered if the majority of people that were asked were under the age of 25. No responsibilities, happy with a part-time job, and all laundry and Sunday dinners done by mum.
Then again, the group most likely to suffer from depression are females between 16-25. So maybe they are just asking middle class professionals on £50k a year.
The happiness percentage is as fudged as the police crime statistics. It is as you say dependent on who, where and when they asked the q's as well as how they asked the question. For instance they could have phrased it as, Are you a. suicidal or b. not suicidal and taken the 'not suicidial' as a rating for happiness.
ReplyDeleteIt's like those shampoo adverts where you read the small print and it tells you that 15 out of 77 people asked liked their 'super serum' hair shine with added wow factor. And then you dig a bit on line and find that the survey was carried out in their ownoffice, so in reality they could only get 77 people in their own company to try it and only 15 of them liked it. I imagine the happiness test was carried out during a cabinet meeting.
Freddos are 20p. Saying that I loveeeee seeing titties.
ReplyDeleteHaha yeah I don't tend to believe the crime stats or people are just not reporting small crimes.
ReplyDelete