Every Sunday I walk an extra 10 minutes to reach a bus route willing to take me into town at 8.30am. It's now that I wonder if I worked hard enough at school to avoid this weekend commute. I know the answer is a resounding NO but I let it sink in anyway. Whilst others filled in Uni applications, I played 20p poker in the mobile classroom containers and everything was fine. Then I slowly realised the guys I played poker with had already filled in their applications and simply played cards when they had spare time. It was then I knew I was doomed to work retail.
But what else could I have done?
Well I could go down the route I see too often, and I see it because I watch it.
The route of Reality TV.
When I think of scum such as TOWIE and SNOOKI and the like, I laugh at their pathetic existence but maybe I'm the one who should be laughed at. After all, they had an aim in life which was simply 'be famous and rich' and they achieved it....maybe by sucking a dick or two but they did it and they are now famous and rich and I am unknown and can afford the odd blu-ray but I'm not knee deep in Scrooge McDuck coin like these ITV2 crudites.
There is a more talented end of the scale currently seen in shows such as Masterchef and The Apprentice where skills of some degree are required to rise to the top but still they needed the televisual boost to do so and they're following their dream and I'm watching them following it whilst mine remains in a metaphorical drawer marked 'should,woulda,coulda'.
I have yet to pass my driving test and my theory runs out very soon and I have let it do exactly that. I've not cooked a meal that didn't involve breadcrumbs since 2011 and I haven't finished painting my new front gate after 3 months of living in my new abode.
The only thing I have accomplished recently is the mini me sleeping next door which by climbing 5 adult stairs yesterday, has completed more steps in her junior one than I have in my adult version.
So which show should I attempt to appear on? I have plenty of business ideas for Dragons Den that are way ahead of today's values, one of which is a multi-story virtual cemetary for those that want a place to visit their loved ones but can do so without leaving their car. Who here can say that they have seen a NEW cemetery being built in their entire lifetime?
There's a few specialist subjects I could prevail in on Mastermind (24 Seasons 1-6, the music of Ryan Adams, how to get a baby to sleep) but the general knowledge round would not make me a household name for good reasons.
Or perhaps sing date where you literally try to get a girlfriend by singing to them via a creepy webcam although my current version may have something to say about that.
Gone are the days of the 'Thursday Echo' when your hopes and dreams were sandwiched between the TV listings and whatever second hand goods were being sold by the Jeremy Kyle massive. There are less jobs flying round and it's the spunky meme producing youngsters that are gonna get them, not the 29 year old CoD wannabe typing this.
So maybe I'm happiest right here, maybe this is where I'm meant to be. Famous, happy people like Les Dennis need books and I'm the one that serves them. Rich and successful celebs such as Marcus Collins need viewers so I view them.
And when they fall down the ladder into the latest play, jungle or cash for gold advert, I'll watch them and say 'I helped him sell that gold'.
And that makes me happy.
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